tutopal

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Because a sexual relationship is physically intimate, part of the etiquette is to use physical means to express it. There is something about a man taking a woman in hand, using his natural domination wisely and intelligently, and for the woman to find security and safety in feeling his male strength hold her, and for action to be taken in whatever way has been agreed between them. There is something about this that enables the woman to express her female strength with more certainty in the relationship.

I agree with most of what you say here. The difference is that I simply disagree with the narrowly focused definition of DD. Most of the people I identify with on DD sites do not think that DD is about discipline at all. Connection is the focus where I tend to go. I do not think it is about discipline, except there is an element of discipline, or control through male authority, there for me. I just do not limit my definition of DD to the more close minded, tightly focused on spanking group. I think it has a much broader definition.

It is all moot, because we use no definition to guide our actions as a couple. I consider us DD, so I consider anything we do DD, or Taken in Hand. It makes no difference to me at all what people call it. I have found that everyone seems to "practice" everything slightly differently. This site focuses on men in charge, or in control, I could however see people who are F/m who identify with much of what is written here. I find it just as easy to talk with people who come from different orientations because I find that the insights they have are insightful to me too.

What gets me mostly is people who let OTHER people's definitions of DD or Taken in Hand limit what they do as a couple. Saying DD people do not spank erotically, so they do not, only to be considered DD. I find that bewildering. Who really cares if people tell you that you are not really DD because you spank for fun, or that you like spanking, or that spanking is about connection not behaviour. People should focus on what they want and need and forget what other people think is right.

I have seen people go as far as telling someone that they were not really DD because they were not married and they had a long distance relationship! I mean who made that rule while I was not looking? I think you need to be committed, but who says you need to be married? Who says that married people can not live long distance anyway? There are all these little rules in every community and I think it is silly. So I take what works for us, and leave the rest.